If You Have a Friend
Who Is Having Suicide Thoughts

You may be in a position to be aware that a friend is going through a difficult period in their life.  Sometimes a specific event, like a break up, a family death, or a school crisis can trigger suicidal behavior in someone who is already struggling with other issues.  Your friend may be showing other suicide warning signs.

What are the typical warning signs of suicide?

 The most common signs of suicidal thoughts are:

  • Talking about suicide

  • Talking about “going away”

  • Withdrawing from family and friends

  • Losing the desire to take part in favorite activities

  • Changes in eating or sleeping habits

  • Engaging in self-destructive behavior (drinking alcohol, taking drugs, driving too fast)

  • Talking about feeling hopeless

  • A previous suicide attempt

  • Talking about wishing to be dead or how everyone would be better off if I were dead

  • Extreme mood swings

  • Drastic changes in habits

  • Extreme depression or withdrawal following a sudden unexpected, tragic event or the anniversary of a tragic event

Keep in mind that these are only the most common warning signs that an individual may show.  It is possible that a friend could commit suicide without showing any of these signs.  If that were to happen, it is important that you don’t go over and over events looking for signs you may have missed.  That will only make it more difficult for you to deal with the situation.  Instead, acknowledge your powerlessness over the situation and take care of yourself by seeking help to handle your own grief.

So what can I do to help a friend that is showing the signs of suicide?

If you believe your friend is showing signs of suicide, take action.  Do not be afraid; have the courage to be bold and take a risk.  It is better to be mistaken than not take action.  Here are a number of things that you can do to help your friend:

  • ASK…  If you have a friend who is talking about committing suicide, don’t wait to see if the situation gets better.  Talk openly about it.  Sometimes, both adults and teenagers are hesitant to ask a friend if they have been thinking about suicide or hurting themselves.   They might be afraid that if the subject of suicide is mentioned, they may give the friend the idea to commit suicide.  This is NOT TRUE.  On the contrary,bringing up the subject of suicide and discussing it openly is one of the most helpful things you can do.

Openly asking the friend if they are having thoughts of suicide can be hard.  It helps if you tell your friend why you are asking.  For example, you might say “I’ve noticed that you’ve been talking a lot about wanting to be dead, and you seem really depressed lately.  Have you been having thoughts about killing yourself?”

  • LISTEN…  Be willing to listen.  Allow your friend to express their feelings, and accept those feelings.  Don’t be judgmental.  This is not the time to debate whether suicide is right or wrong, good or bad.  Try not to act shocked.  That will only put distance between the two of you.  Be prepared for denial or anger from your friend.  Be prepared if your friend rejects you.  But don’t give up.  Be there for them, even if it seems you aren’t wanted.

  • TELL…  Don’t be sworn to secrecy.  Don’t worry about breaking a bond of friendship at this point.  Friendships can be fixed.  Get your friend the help that they need.  Get help from people or agencies that specialize in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.  If possible, have your friend call or promise to call the Crisis Center at (205) 323-7777.  The important thing is to notify a responsible adult.  Although you may feel pressured to not get anyone else involved, it’s always safest to get help.

What can I do if my friend seems out-of-control and appears to have a definite plan to commit suicide?

If you believe your friend may be in a serious crisis situation and at a very high risk of attempting suicide, there are two steps that you need to take:

  • Get Immediate Help - Take your friend to an emergency room.  If they refuse to go, call 911, and

  • Stay with Them - Do not leave your friend alone until help arrives.