Substance Abuse and Addiction by a Friend

Sometimes being a good friend means getting involved.  But before you do, it's important to try to understand what's really going on with your friend and how to best approach them.

How can I tell if my friend has a problem with drinking or drugs?

Sometimes it can be very difficult to tell if a friend has a problem.  Most teens who use drugs or alcohol won't talk openly about it.  In most situations, your friend will probably even be working hard to hide the problem from you and everyone else. 

When confronted with the issue, your friend will may insist that their drug or alcohol use is no big deal.  This type of reaction is very common among teens who abuse.  If you believe, however, that your friend really does have a problem, don't let their denial keep  you from trying to help.  

Here are some typical behaviors that can help you determine if your friend has a problem:

• Getting high or drunk on a regular basis

• Planning drinking in advance

• Lying about things, especially how much alcohol or drugs they use

• Pressuring others to drink or use drugs

• Believing that they have to drink or use drugs to have fun

• Taking risks, including sexual risks

• Having to drink more or using more drugs to get the same high

• Sounding selfish and not caring about others

• Having blackouts (not remembering what they did while drinking)

• Drinking and driving

• Constantly talking about drinking or using drugs

• Getting in trouble with the law

Not everyone who drinks or uses drugs will show these same symptoms, but three things are for sure:

• If your friend has a problem with drugs or alcohol and doesn't get help, things will get much worse,

• In order to get better, your friend eventually has to admit that they have a problem,

• Your friend will have to make an effort to get help.

Why is it so hard for people to get help for themselves?

·    To get help, a person must first admit to themselves that they have a problem, and it is hard for most people to admit that they have an out-of-control problem.  It's even harder when you are a teenager, because you tend to think that an out-of-control problem could never happen to you.  

Most teens tend to think of alcoholics or drug addicts as street people, old people, or people that we see on television.  In reality, alcoholics or drug addicts can be anyone.  Drugs and alcohol don't discriminate.  It doesn't matter if you are old or young; rich or poor; black or white; a cheerleader, a football player, or the school genius; live in the poor or rich area of town; drugs and alcohol cross all lines.

So how can I help my friend?

First of all, don't let your friend's denial keep you from talking to them about the problem.  Whether or not your friend takes your advice is, however, ultimately their decision.  Most of all, your friend needs to have someone that they can talk with about the situation, without the fear of being judged or getting in trouble.  Your friend needs your support and understanding.  You won't be able to force them into getting help, but you can be encouraging and support them when they decide to seek professional help.

How is it best to approach my friend?

Most people don't enjoy having a difficult conversation with someone that they care about.  This is normal.  When you decide to talk with your friend, it is important to consider in advance what you are going to say...and how you are going to word your thoughts and concerns.  Our words are very powerful.  Words can help and words can hurt.  If you decide to talk with your friend, there are some things to consider and keep in mind:

• The timing needs to be right.  Don't try talking to your friend when they are drinking or using drugs.  They need to be straight.

• Make sure your conversation is private.  No one likes their secrets exposed.  Have the discussion in a place where no one will overhear.

• Don’t come across as accusing your friend of misbehaving or being stupid, but talk about your feelings about the situation.  Tell your friend how worried you are and how it makes you feel to see them drunk or high.

• Be calm, and speak in a caring, not judging, tone of voice.

• Include a positive message before or after you say something your friend might think of as too critical.  For example, "You are my best friend in the whole world, but I feel like your drinking is changing the person I know and care so much about.  I love you too much to watch that happen".  A positive message like this can remind your friend you are talking about this out of your care and concern.

• Be prepared for anger or denial as a response from your friend.  This is a common response.  Many people with drug or alcohol problems act like this when they feel threatened or accused.  When confronted, they often will defend their drug use, give excuses for why they use, or blame others.  Once you start the conversation, keep reminding yourself to remain calm and supportive.

• Offer solutions.  Nobody likes it when someone points out a problem but doesn't offer a solution.  Even if there is no immediate answer, you can still recommend that they talk to a caring adult or a professional.

• Find out where help is available for your friend.  Tell your friend about the help that is available.  If you offer to go with your friend to get help, be prepared to follow through. 

After saying what you need to say, ask your friend to respond to what you've said.  Then, REALLY LISTEN.  Hear what your friend has to say.  Ask your friend what kind of help they need from you.  Talk about a time you can have a follow up conversation about the problem.  This probably won't be a one-time discussion, but an ongoing series of conversations.  Let your friend know you would like to talk again because you care about them and you are worried.

Here are some ways to say you care:

"I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

"I am your friend and I am here for whatever you need."

"What can I do to help?"

"I'm not going to give up on you."

"I will help you find someone that can help."

The main thing is to be sincere and talk form you heart with concern and compassion for your friend.

Don't forget to take care of yourself.

This type of situation is probably going to be stressful on you.  You may be feeling lonely or afraid.  You may have a lot of questions and feelings.  It's important to have someone that YOU can talk to about all of this.

You can call the Teen Link telephone helpline or chat with a counselor online.  Teen Link is a program of the Crisis Center.  Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone who is trained to help or to someone who doesn’t know you.

Click (here) for information about Talking with a Counselor

Click (here) for Information about Chatting Online with a Counselor