Self-Esteem

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself as a person.  It's about how you value yourself, how worthwhile you think you are, and how good you feel about your value and worth.  

Why is self-esteem important?

Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself affects how you act.  

High self-esteem means you really like yourself, both on the inside and the outside.  This is also called positive self-esteem.  A person with high self-esteem is more in control of his or her behavior, makes friends more easily, and enjoys life more.  

Sometimes it's easy to like who you are.  You feel great when you tell a funny joke that everyone laughs at, when you pass a test, or when you make the winning touchdown.

But what about when you say something stupid or you miss the winning touchdown?  Do you sometimes feel dumb or left out?  Do you wish you were someone else or do you think you aren't good in school or part of the cool crowd or part of the team?  You wish you could change how you look?  This is low or negative self-esteem.

Sometimes we let other people tell us how to feel about ourselves.  From the day you were born, others have been influencing your decisions...your parents and teachers, then friends.  TV shows and music videos and magazines tell you how to look, what to wear, how to feel and how to act.

Everyone has bad days...or bad weeks!  You have to learn to recognize the bad day when it is happening and take care of yourself when:

• You begin to feel that you are not OK as a person

• You have negative beliefs about yourself and what you can do ("I'll never be able to make cheerleader tryouts.", "I can't ever get it right")

• You see yourself as having little value ("The team is better off without me.")

• You see yourself as less happy and successful than other people

These kinds of thoughts happen with our "self-talk"...the chatter inside our head, the things we say to ourselves.  We all do it!

The important thing to remember is that you can learn to like yourself and have a positive self-esteem.  You are the one in control and you can make the difference. 

So, what can someone do to improve self-esteem?

Things to Eliminate - First, be aware of the things you do that make yourself feel BAD.

• Comparing yourself to everyone and everything around you (pick out things they have and you don't, think how lucky they are and how unlucky you are)

• Never taking a compliment (tell people "it was nothing" or minimizing your efforts)

• Telling yourself over and over again things like "I am stupid", "I am ugly", "I am useless"

• Hanging around with people who put you down

• Making a list of all of your failures, embarrassments and negative qualities

• Not trying anything new for fear of failing

Things to Add - Now, what about the things you can do to help you feel GOOD about yourself?

• Be nice to yourself…give yourself a break (stop being so hard on yourself and start appreciating yourself for being unique...when you compare yourself to others you will always find things missing in yourself and your life)

• Be aware of the triggers that affect your self-esteem.  When do you notice you are giving yourself a hard time?  Stay aware of the feeling of low-self-esteem.  Don't let it creep in.

• Think of the times you have tried something new and succeeded.  Make a list of your past successes

• Think about qualities that have helped you in your life.  How might you use these qualities in the future?

• Do things you love doing and you know you are good at doing

• Accept compliments when people give them to you.  Reply with a "thank you."  This gets easier the more you practice

• Give yourself the right to make a mistake or to be "not perfect"...whatever perfect  is.

• BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.  You'll never be able to make everyone happy or meet everyone's expectations about how you "should" be to them.  Look out for yourself, trust yourself, and protect yourself.  Learn what makes you happy.

Is it easy to change your self-esteem?

No, it takes time to figure out who you are as a person, what you like and don’t like, and what your goals are going to be.  It’s a lifelong process, but it’s worth it.

Will having positive self-esteem guarantee success?

If success is defined in terms of playing certain sports, acing all the tests, or making lots of friends, probably not.  If you define success as doing your best, however, you can control your success.  And when you don’t succeed, having a strong self-esteem helps you better accept the situation and move forward.

Can I help my friends improve their self-esteem?

Yes, by not putting them down.  Be patient with them when they fall short of your expectations.  We ALL make mistakes.

These things may help, but it also might be a good idea to get some extra help from someone who is trained in talking about self-esteem issues.  You can also call the Teen Link telephone helpline.  Teen Link is a program of the Crisis Center.  Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone who is trained to help or to someone who doesn’t know you.

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