Grief

Grief is a common response to losses of many kinds.  Everyone grieves in their own unique way.  The grief process involves hard work, but with strong support you can make it through.  Although your grieving process can last a long time, your grief will not always feel overwhelming and you will not always have the deep feelings of despair you may be experiencing now.

 If you are experiencing grief…

Immediately following the loss of a loved one, you may experience shock, which consists of your emotional system basically shutting down.  This shut down is your body’s way of protecting you from the pain of loss.  Although everyone reacts to shock differently, you might experience changes in your sleep patterns, changes in your appetite, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, and difficulty with your memory.  This is not the best time for you to make any long-term or life-changing decisions.

When you emerge from shock, you will probably find yourself in denial and withdrawal.  During this time you are likely to feel very angry, weak, and the desire to isolate yourself.  These feelings can last anywhere from a few months to much longer.

When you start to acknowledge that your loss is real and permanent, you are ready for acknowledgment and true recovery.  Your road to recovery truly begins at this time.  Performing the following actions will help strengthen you for grief recovery:

Join or start a support group.

Eat a well-balanced diet – Try to stay away from junk food and anything high in sugar, caffeine, or alcohol.

Get adequate exercise.

Get sufficient rest.

Although grief is hard work and you will have bad days, please watch out for symptoms that your grief is overwhelming and becoming a destructive force in your life.  Some of these symptoms include:

Persistent thoughts of self-destruction

Failure to provide for your basic needs and withdrawal from all social interaction

Substance abuse

Inability to function normally

If you have one or more of these symptoms, please immediately call the Crisis Center at  323-7777, or seek professional counseling.

If you are a parent of a child experiencing grief…

As a parent of a child dealing with grief, here are five ways you can help your child heal:

Offer an open and honest environment in which it is easy for children to ask questions and express their thoughts and feelings.  Because children often act out their feelings through their behavior, watch for changes in their behavior indicating that they need attention.

Understand how children are interpreting their experience with death by asking very straightforward questions.

Give correct and factual information as simply as you can.

Help prepare children for a memorial service or funeral by previewing these events beforehand.

Provide some means for children to say “Good-bye.”

In addition, the following are some guidelines for discussing death with children:

Offer your acceptance of their feelings and behavior.

Listen carefully without being judgmental.

Assure them of their security in terms they can understand.

Be sure that they understand that they are not to blame.

Act in ways that gain trust.

Answer all questions as honestly as you can.

Help them understand that they will not always feel like they do now.

Provide as much stability in their surroundings as possible.

If you are a friend of someone experiencing grief…

As a friend of someone coping with a loss, you can help by:

Letting your friend know you are available and willing to be there whenever he or she wishes to talk or needs support

Asking your friend questions that require more than a simple “yes” or “no” response.  This will help he or she express their feelings more effectively.

Showing nonverbal communication such as eye contact and nodding your head in understanding

If you knew the deceased, sharing your memories of the loved one you both have lost can be very helpful.

Allowing your friend to mourn in a way that is appropriate for them

Being a good listener and not feeling pressured to always say something

Writing a condolence letter